Mehndi

My nephews have got moves like I have never seen! If I hadn’t seen them dancing I would have never believed it for myself. They were amazing and they are 3 years old. They have all the bollywood moves down. They both got up on a chair and were shaking their booties like you only see in the movies. It was a riot! When we turned the music off to eat one of them started crying.

So last night was the Mehndi, which is where we got painted with henna and danced the night away. Mehndi is not a South Indian thing, but I had it and Sandhya wanted it too so we did it. I think it will be my last henna painting session. I only got one hand painted this time. It’s not the easiest thing. After sitting there and getting it done you need to keep this paint on your hands for several hours until it falls away. You can’t wash your hands for 24 hours. This time I just waited until morning. Since it’s not my wedding I wasn’t so concerned about it turning out perfectly. It looks good though. The problem is that it stinks. Even after you wash it you can still smell it and there’s something about putting a stinky hand on my face that doesn’t really work for me. If I was smart I would have had my left hand done instead of my right so that I could still eat.

Today is the reception so everyone is running around like busy bees to get everything done. Weddings in India are so much work and money for the family that it blows me away. Even after having had my own wedding here and knowing full well the financial implications, I still find myself stunned. The family is obligated not only to transport people to and from the airport and railway station to the hotel and back to the wedding hall, but also to pay for the accommodations. Keep in mind that the average Indian wedding is 500-1000 people so that means the families are paying for the wedding, plus the accommodation, transportation and food for all those who come from out of town. Food is not only provided at the wedding but the days that precede and follow the wedding as well. Then there is the cost of everything. Here we are in a country where people don’t make US wages (though that is changing) but pay US prices for some services that are often times not up to par with the services you receive in the US. There are tremendous business opportunities EVERYWHERE here.

Oh and another funny thing is that people don’t RSVP. Imagine, having to book hotel rooms without knowing who will come to the wedding. Luckily, I haven’t had to be too involved with the logistics. Praveen’s parents seem to have it down really well after planning our wedding. Bless them!!! The parents do the majority of the planning for the kids here, so the bride and groom pretty much just show up. It definitely makes the wedding less stressful and likely more enjoyable, assuming they are marrying someone of their own choosing.

That brings up another point. Arranged marriages are still the norm in India. That’s how Praveen and I met of courseJ Ha, just kidding. Sandhya, however did chose her own groom. She took the opportunity during my wedding to introduce him to the family while every one was overwhelmed with something else. She’s a smart girl. I think also after the drama with Praveen and I getting married, her choosing someone from a different caste, who is also Indian, probably seemed more acceptable.

Anyways, there are a lot of things that are different here when compared to the US. We chose our own mates, and often our parents have no say so in who that person is. We also usually plan our own weddings and many brides get the stressed out earning them the title of ‘bridezilla’. As a guest, you buy a nice gift intended to get the new couple on their feet. Oh and of course gifts are chosen off of a registry, so you can’t go wrong. The average wedding gift in the US is $50-$100 depending on your income status and how close you are to the bride and groom. And of course, you pay for your room and transportation. One good thing is that before I go to someone’s wedding, I think to myself, is this person really worth it to me? If it is out of town on average you’ll be spending $500 just to attend, assuming that you don’t need a plane ticket. So if that couple isn’t really special to me, then I don’t go and I save the couple $40-100 in food and liqueur costs. Anyway it’s all very different. There is no need to compare which is better or worse, but the observations of differences are interesting.